Let’s Solve Melissa Click’s Problem!

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First Amendment Choker Melissa Click who, when she’s not obtaining muscle to expel student reporters from events on public property, is a University of Missouri communications professor, has been charged with simple assault, a misdemeanor.

Reports say Click grabbed student journalist Mark Schierbecker’s camera in an effort to stop him from filming a protest over the treatment of blacks at the school, then tried to find “some muscle” to force him away physically.

Click resigned her honorary appointment to the journalism faculty but remains employed in the communications department. She has allegedly apologized for her actions, and a report says more than 100 colleagues have signed a letter that proclaims support for her. They said Click “has been wronged in the media” by being attacked for her misbehavior and by hearing of demands for her dismissal. Those colleagues want the university to “defend her First Amendment rights of protest and her freedom to act as a private citizen.”

How funny and how stupid! So her colleagues (co-conspirators?) want to defend her First Amendment right to choke the life out of the reporter’s First Amendment right? They want to call her a private citizen when she was, in fact, a public employee on campus at her place of employment, a public, taxpayer-funded university? Clearly, the faculty assclowns at Mizzou are contriving some kind of defense for her. We know what kind of communication this is. It’s called bullshit.

There may be a way out of this that will satisfy everyone, however. Click has been doing “research” on 50 Shades of Grey. Dismiss the charges and forego dismissal from the university if she agrees to a public spanking! It would be televised and sent viral. Click would have to hike her bare bottom, and Schierbecker would have to deliver 10 whacks with a paddle, with four stereophonic, high definition digital microphones placed near her soon-to-be-red rump and four by her mouth to catch every thwack and every wail of pain! It would be juicy indeed, and Click could even use it for her research!

Everybody wins!

Hey, I’m a problem solver!

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